he's back

D went home thursday evening. As usual, drunk. He told me, his life is getting miserable. He wants to keep his family and it all depends on me. Nung gabi, I hit him on the head with his cellphone because I saw C's code name in his bluetooth. Bad trip na naman ako.

Nung madaling araw, I cannot sleep, crying and depressed. Then he talked, I talked. I do not know, he promised he will leave the girl within this month. He fell in love with the her because she was there when I drove him away. She was her companion and a shoulder to hold on. She's just waiting, I know.

There was no acceptance yet. We were still weighting things. I was miserable when he is in the house. I feel longing and attach, I dont want to be like that. But, when he's home, I began to demand and be praning again.

We still talk, blaming each other, how to solve the family, our crisis and so on and so forth. He was in the house, friday.

We went to Real Quezon last saturday and my boys enjoyed the beach.

Friday evening, he started to bring back his stuff. Was I relieved? Yes/No, I was in pain of losing him and at the same time, I dont want him to betray me again.

I'm still paranoid and I want to change my outlook in life. Siguro for my kids.

He has his principles, I have mine. Two different minds in one. I don't know how can I hang on. It's not my call, it's his call always because he's the man and I am the mother of his kids.

I have to be strong.... I guess!!!