StATus QuO

after a month....

get to hold his cellphone frequently and check on his log
less hang out with his friends, stays more in the house
goes home early
no more frequent texting... that's the impact of UNLI

but still the same person...as i've known for 10 years since we got married.

he's not just that into you by Greg Behrendt. i have to grab a copy of that book to understand my guy better.

i think, it will all depend on me! :-(

bReaD TaLk

after buying P's halloween custome and basket, i told him "we won't eat anymore, tatay is waiting for us." we passed by bread talk and i noticed that the line was short. i was curious with that bakery because every time we walked by that area, the line is always long.

so i decided so try some stuff to bring home as pasalubong. i look at what other people are buying to give me an idea of their specialty. i bought three pieces of yummy mouth watering breads and the bill was P126. what??? my goodness, that's too much for a three-piece bread.

i gave P's share and had a bite. ummm, sarap. the jeepney ride at SM North is located at the farthest part of the store. we didn't notice the long walk, we were busy munching on our bread, having a taste of the three different pieces and kept saying, "sarap ano anak?"

before hitting the jeep, i throw the wrappers in the trashcan.
kainis, bitin!!! :-)

i'll splurge on bread talk again when i have the money and try the other flavors.

have you tried it?

hiwalay!

after paying for P's tuition fee. i finally decided to get P a tutor who will teach him passionately knowing his difficulties.

when i teach P for the quarterly exams, he cries a lot, rants and experiences a lot of pains ranging from stomach to headache. it's stressful and it makes me a monster.

T.Claire is the shadow teacher of P's autistic classmate. so she knows P. she charges minimally which is beyond my means (thanks T.Ruth). she rendered 11 hours. that's P1650. goodbye shoes, goodbye blouses!!!!

one saturday, D went home early. T.Claire was surprised. with gestures of her two left and right 2nd fingers drifting apart and asked my yaya, "akala ko hiwalay na sila?"

P told our problems to his classmates, about the girl, the pinalayas and the beerhouse. one classmate even commented, "ano P, madalas sa beerhouse and tatay mo?" P's school allows shadow teachers to look after his special classmates, so adults heard the discussions. LoL

ha!ha!ha! next time, don't allow your children to hear your conversation and don't even involve them.

hormonal imbalance

i feel so lonely and insecure again...
i have to blame my imbalance due to my monthly cycle :-) urgh

fight back girl.
you're still beautiful inside not like those
girls who don't know how to control their
emotions.

i thank God for my boys and i am still dreaming for a girl.

virus strain

D brought the virus strain in the house. i was the next victim,
P then D. gosh, i was on leave for four days.

went shopping to death. such a irresponsible action even though
i know... there's not enough budget available.
what can i do? i also need to pamper myself.

i will earn it back. can't resist the sale. i gave me a full relaxation :-)

for me:

a white bag from our tribe
a maximizer bra
blouses from kamiseta
3 shorts

:)

attacks

i have attacks. i think its leading to depression.
insecurities...

i have to stop this.
i really should.

for my boys.

GO AWAY!!!!!

a question to/from D

Nanay: D, paalisin ko na si tatay sa bahay?

D: Di ka na iiyak?

(he did not even answer Yes or No)

a shot of tequila with HD

HD was one of D's friend that i detested. why? he used to get D's quality time from us.
lately, it's not his friends that i should blame. it should be D.
no more explanations :-)

D invited HD to our house to watch the Barrera-Pacquiao's match. HD bought with him a half filled tequila bottle. my last shot of tequila was in 1997 at Cebu. it was after 10 years that i will taste it again. ummm

D was worried if he did the right thing; that HD and i should have a drink. it might spark wildfires again. D issued a warning to HD on answering the questions that i will ask and get his consent if he will respond or not.

i did not ask questions. i just told him my own accounts of the situation. details will hurt me again. he knows D from a different perspective, i know him from the bottom of his internal organs.

the talk with the tequila was a relief and at the same time a coping process for me. one thing i learned was how to understand D for his undying personality.
i also knew something about the girl "sigh" and how adamant D in defending C to me (still making their actions politically correct). my goodness!!!

HD is nice, i think i gain another friend in him/her?????? :-)

being the right person

it's hard to be a good person. no matter how i try.
i'm still a maldita at heart but because of the situation
...i try to look back and assess my
life as a person.

nothing can beat your values where ever you go.
i was raised well.
i'm not perfect... but tries to be one and never
step on anyone's foot.

just be good.

mama mia

mia, a friend emailed some pictures.

an overseas friend who is the best friend of over
possessive M :-)

she's sweet and she never fails to email me once in a while.
i think i should do the same.

STOP

STOP!

don't try hard
compete only with myself
believe and trust again

if it falls, there's nothing you can do.

pray!

stress reliever

this blogging cum journal has been my constant companion. why?

helps me cope
releases negative energy
expresses my emotions
keeps my anger away
documents history but no original records kept "sigh"

alright.. it's my best friend!

moving on

i am not a self serving woman. i also have my kids. i also need to consider their feelings and the right to grow up with a father even if he sucks.

in fairness to D, he is slowly changing.

but the big questions now lies in my hands. it is my option to change my outlook and accept my faith and be a more loving spouse to D. "sigh"

acceptance.faith.trust.love.GOD
i am praying for guidance.

D

we were lying on the bed. D's head on my belly. holding his bottle.

D: Nanay tagal naman ng baby mo!

Nanay: Guffaws.....

myself

i hate it. i just realized how much i need D. need... but not love? maybe yes, maybe no.

i hate myself for saying the same things again and again.
how insecure i am with C.
i am not looking at my strengths anymore.
demoralized.
you just have to accept the fact that he is your spouse.

stop it!

i know, i am beautiful inside, no matter what they say and what they do.
i am a strong woman with a big heart.
i love myself.