impulsiveness

I hate myself, me and my impulsive attitude. I should have given him the benefit of the doubt and not rely on my I-don't-trust-you-anymore-attitude.

Think first before doing something that will hurt you more.

Next time, create a strategy, think ...don't be impulsive.

my son has adhd

Last year, my son who was 10 was diagnosed to have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. His teachers told me, he cannot sit longer in his chair, always asking to go out and stands up in class go near the window. He has attention problem.I know my son has a problem, but I was in denial of everything, hoping he will cope and it was just a stage in his life.

I was wrong. When D, his younger brother started to talk and bully him, his behavior changed. He always cries when bullied, cannot afford to share his stuff and does not have a mature attitude of a 10 year old kid. He fights with his younger brother.

Then I transferred him to a mainstreamed school. His academics and comprehension slowed down. My son is two years delayed in math and comprehension. For this school-year, he needs to have a sped program. I am sending a grade 4 student to a staggering amount which is equivalent to a college student who is taking up a nursing course, a little more expensive to that effect.

Sometimes, as somebody said, the cost is more expensive that the benefit.

That's my son but still, I love him more than everything.

si O

O has been my friend since high school. I was part of her tryst, a rebellious daughter and a good friend, we hit it off. We became closer when she married someone who lives in the same street where I live.

She is my constant drinking buddy. A 3-stick a day smoker and a loving mom to her three kids. It's nice to have friends who are good mothers.

We always exchange stories about our lives, being a mom, a battered wife, having a sick daughter and a lumpen spouse. She also have her stolen moments and I condemn them but what can I do, she does it for her sanity.

I have known her to be a strong-willed woman. She brings home most of the bacon and she does everything for the sake of her kids. Her spouse... he hits her when he's drunk and mad. A truly blue paranoid and asshole. She told me, she just accepts her life's misfortunes and move on. She cannot leave the house because they live with her husband's relatives and it will be inconvenient for her kids if they move out.

Pero kahit ganoon ang mundo niya. Malakas pa rin ang loob niya para mabuhay para sa mga anak niya. Maganda pa rin ang disposition niya. I really envy her, sometimes, I get my strength from her.

Kaya when this girl texts me... I come to her just to share some small talks and get rid of some crappy tension out of our system.

Draw the line sister.

enrollment, fees, etc

I went to P's school to pay for his tuition fee and talked to his teacher. I didn't know that P will have a separate payment for his sped program. DI KO ALAM. OMG. I was teary eyed when I talked to the principal because they are requiring me to have a shadow teacher and pay the sped program. Thank God, sped program na lang daw ang babayaran ko.

Bahala na. Hopefully, everything will be well.

My son is giving me this strength. Loose some crappy stuff and move on. I do not have to think of other situations in life that will hinder the development of my son. I have to stay focus. Tama na siguro ang kakaisip. Bahala na sila sa buhay nila.

Mother's Day

It was mother's day. P was the first one to greet me. I taught D how to say it to me and gave them a thousand kisses and i love yous. From my not so other half, wala lang. No feeling.

There was no plan to celebrate the day. In the afternoon, I decided, we will go to Trinoma just to hang around because P has been begging me for months to go there. It was abrupt.

I need to change the pattern. D is not bend on celebrating simple occasions. If I did not practice it, the wives of my kids will definitely die with anger because of being insensitive and not appreciative of their needs. I taught my kids of the occasion,why we are celebrating and how much they should love their mother and later on the mother of their kids. I'm talking to an 11 and 5 years old here.

D does not want to go because he doesn't like the venue. I want to go to Trinoma because that is the place where my kids wanna go. Should I adjust to his needs? Never, I will celebrate with my kids not with him. We left.

While we were at the jeep, he texted me... susunod ako. My kids were so happy to see him and we had dinner at the mall. Later, I texted him...alam mo, mula ng naging syota mo si C, naging matigas ang puso mo sa akin. Natuto kang magsinungaling at mangloko. Di ka naman dati ganyan. Pero wala akong magagawa, yang ang buhay na pinili mo.

See how a beautiful and young woman can make someone ugly.

new school

I was freaking out since last week. It was already May and as of yesterday, I havent received a confirmation from P's new school.

Finally, I got it in the afternoon. I hope this time, it will be comfortable for all of us.

My prayers are always answered.

choice

I have a choice and it's all up to me.

evidence

I'm still paranoid. D told me, he said and they were no longer together. But... I still doubt it, I still do. There's no solid evidence that they are no longer an item. He still has not activated his log.

He still goes home late and he tells me his whereabouts. I do not know, it's hard to bring back the trust. But I pray diligently to God to let me feel that D is honest and sincere to me.

I do not know if I still love D or is this the feeling of a woman scorned. I am trying to move on peacefully, accept my fate and forgive. But, I still have my intuition that they are still communicating.

I know, God will give my something.

leaving too

At last, I fully decided to seek greener pastures. Not here, abroad. US needs librarians, and I think I am ready to work for them. It's not just money, security, etc. etc. I need something that will give my kids opportunity and see the world and I will do this for P. There will be a lot of opportunities for people with ADHD in the US.

I'm tired of always being broke, if you are broke here, you will die broke. In the US, you need to break bones, at least you can live a decent life, with good food and clean water to drink. Here.... ah. Actually, we are still lucky. We both have our jobs eventhough, he earns good money, but me... I just get the basics and miscellaneous, but I also have plans and wants for my kids that he cannot provide.

So, I'll go first, kids will come next and he stays.