still the same panloloko

we went home safely... si tatay warak na naman sa kalasingan.
i heard a message tone in his cellphone. hindi niya binabasa. then, his visitor left and went to the bedroom at hinarot si D. message tone again. i quickly grabbed his cellphone and went to the bathroom. sila ulit... nagtetext na naman sila ng sweet nothings at magkita daw sila. then, i dumped his cellphone in the pail of water.

that's the start of something physical and violent again. i hit him, he kicked me. that's infront of D. i can feel the trauma and pain in the face of my son. i told him to leave, ihahatid ko sya sa kabila. ayaw, sabi, sunduin siya ng nanay niya saka sya aalis. i went to his relatives and called ate G and explained what happened. with full force, sinundo siya sa bahay kasama si kuya N. then, he threw the bag to me and before leaving, minura ako. minura ko rin. at least nakita ng mga kamaganak niya ang asal nya. then i heard kuya N said, hindi tayo pinalaking ganyan........

then, i packed his clothes and asked ate G to get them.

after cleaning the house, everything sinked in to me. now, i can feel the pain, the hurt and the continous betrayal but i have to move on for my boys.

D was just behind me during the incident, he gave me his tatay's cellphone battery and phone cover. i left him in P's room but he quickly ran when he heard the car leaving. when his tatay was gone, he pressed a hersheys' stuff toy, it emitted a sound. he did it to get my attention and pacify me. Sweet D!

P, he kept asking, bakit nanay? and then cries, cries,cries, buckets of tears.

hindi naman akong perpektong asawa. alam ko yon. ako ay demanding, domineering, violente. ako ang nagsimulang mambubog, battered husband kung baga. pero dahil sa mga ginagawang pangloloko niya ito, barkada,alak at babae. hindi naman ako magiging ganoon kung hindi dahil sa kanya. bawat maling gawa, may justifications.

ang sama lang ng loob ko, hindi naman siya sweet sa akin. nagagawa pa niyang maging sweet sa syota niya at magtawagan silang "baby ko!" samantalang pag nasa bahay, ang sungit, parang wala na kaming ginawang maganda.

pero kahit puno ng evidences, kahit anong diin, hindi umaamin. the girl really knows how to make her presence felt. pro??!! i don't know.

the struggle begins....