suicidal

I hate to entertain this thought. But when I am heavily depress and my hormones are giddy giddy yak yak yak... it is my constant companion. My nerves in my brain are sending messages that makes me more vulnerable and lonely. But... I have to fight this evil dominion. I have to live for my kids. I am their savior to be able to live happily in this cruel world.

But suicidal thoughts are like gums that the more you read or learn that someone committed suicide, it give you a certain appreciation or high that you can also do it. It is a chain reaction... if she can, i can also do it... she also has kids. But at least, when sanity comes into me. I still think of my boys specially P who has ADHD.

I am in a constant battle, I hope I will win in this war.